Reducore™ from Ortho Molecular Products 8.5 Oz

The "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing" Powder

(Officially known as Reducore)

Can we talk? Your relationship with food is… complicated. You love it. It hates you. You eat a salad and feel virtuous for five minutes, then you inhale a bag of chips and the self-loathing sets in. It’s a vicious cycle, honey, and frankly, it’s exhausting to watch.

Enter Reducore. This isn't some magic pill that dissolves your fat while you sleep. No, this is a "pre-meal appetite management" powder. You mix it with water and drink it before you eat, which is already asking a lot of you, I know.

What’s in this peach-mango flavored dust?

• Amarasate®: That same bitter New Zealand hop extract that’s supposed to scream at your brain to put the fork down.

• Proprietary Fiber Blend: Because, let’s be honest, you’re not getting enough fiber. Nobody is. This is here to make you feel full so you don’t order the entire left side of the menu.

What they claim it does:

• Appetite Management: It’s supposed to take the edge off your hunger so you don't eat like a starving hyena.

• Microbiome Support: It’s good for your gut bacteria. You know, the trillions of little bugs living inside you that control your life. You should probably be nicer to them.

• Glycemic Control: It’s supposed to help keep your blood sugar from going on a rollercoaster ride after you eat a carb.

• Muscle Support: I don't know, maybe it helps you lift the fork with more authority.

The Bottom Line: Life is hard. Resisting a second helping of lasagna is harder. Reducore is a tool. It’s a crutch. It’s a peach-mango flavored prayer that you won’t embarrass yourself at the buffet. Drink it. Don’t drink it. Just try not to eat the tablecloth.